The Pirate's Pledge and Customers Invocation to the Right of Parlay
Ahoy Matey's and Shivver Me Timbers if ye are not satisfied with the products or service here at The Pirate's Lair!
I, (The Pirate), promises to have me wench (AKA The Pirate's Wench), "walk the plank" for my esteemed Customers, Clients, fellow Pirates, and Wenches alike, and to further provide "1st Class Service" befitting the traditions of maritime heritage. Ye please be advised to ask any all questions or queries (ye have our permission to make them as clever or as stoopid as ye may without offence), regarding any of our offered loot prior to purchasing said loot to make sure it will meet your needs (this means ask before you buy); and certainly ask before it ships (not after), as an evil spell may then be cast upon ye!
I further agree to personally provide honest and seaworthy service to each and every one of my customers, and may I catch the dreaded Subic Bay Tulu Fever if I fail to treat each and every one of you with some occasional respect, deserved or not, so help me King Neptune, all Mermaids, Octopuses, Fishes, and other Denizens of the Sea.
And Fairweatherly more, I (The Pirate) hereby further promise, that any said purchases you make from this CARGO LIST, (or over the squawk box), are absolutely guaranteed to satisfy you handsomely, or you may be allowed to invoke the Pirate's Right of Parlay and return it within 10 days of the date shown on the packing slip for a FULL REFUND less 5% and the cost of any transport (shipping charges). The only exception to this Return Loot Policy is for the following products: 1. The vintage U.S. Navy Table Linens, Tablecloths or Napkins have a no return policy due to their rarity and potential for our valued and esteemed customer in staining them irreparably with the foul Grog Juice or some other inedible mischief. 2. Pirate Chests and Liberty Ship Hatch Covers and Trestles have a FULL refund per this warranty policy less 20% restocking/handling fee and shipping cost. See below for further Return Loot Authorization information.
Further Rules and Instructions for Invoking the Pirate's Right of Parlay
Our esteemed customers may invoke their Right of Parlay and return the said merchandise (the loot) within 10 days of purchasing said loot (with the exceptions as noted above) from the date shown on the Cargo Manifest Packing Slip and adhere to the Terms, Conditions and Warranties as described on this page. Esteemed customer must contact The Pirate by emailing The Pirate's Wench or calling her at (540-659-6209) to obtain a Return Loot Authorization #. THE RULE OF THUMB IS TO CALL US, CONTACT US, COMMUNICATE WITH US!
The RLA# must be scribed onto the return address shipping label of all returned loot. Additionally, the esteemed customer must also include a copy of the original cargo slip which was included in with the shipment, and also scribe the RLA# on this parchment as well.
The returned loot must be sent to:
DataCity, Inc.
c/o The Pirate's Lair
Attn: RLA#
78 Canterbury Drive
Stafford, Va 22554
By invoking this Right of Parlay the esteemed customer agrees to pay for return shipping back to The Pirate's Lair, and we most strongly suggest using UPS Insured Ground transportation with Tracking #. We encourage our esteemed customers not to use some scallywag's unseaworthy and dubious galley (read: uninsured and unreliable shipper) only to save a few doubloons and shekels as it is the customer's responsibility to ensure that the loot (merchandise) being returned is well packed, and not lost or damaged during transit.
Once the loot (merchandise) has been received safely back at The Pirate's Lair, and our galley slaves have performed a properly inspection, then the Pirate's miserly Bean Counter and Treasure Hoarder will issue a credit back to our esteemed and valued customer for the full purchase price of the loot, less 5% of the total sale and less any shipping charges incurred by The Pirate. Remember, The Pirate does NOT refund the shipping or transport charges of any kind, don't even ask or you will be vexed with the Dreaded Subic City Toolu Fever and associated Sores.
If for whatever strange mystery of the sea, said esteemed customer sends back the loot without an RLA#, the package will not be accepted and will be put into The Pirate's security cargo hold until further accounting can be taken and the loot will be held for ransome. Further-thee-more any loot held by our esteemed customer for more than 10 days from purchase date will either not be accepted for a return or a 20% restocking fee will be incurred less any shipping or transport charges, soley at the Pirate's discretion. The esteemed customer acknowledges that they will be responsible and liable for any returned lost shipments or damages to the loot until it is received safely back into the Cargo Hold at The Pirates Lair.
All shipments from The Pirate to the esteemed customer are FOB: Origin unless otherwise stated in writing (all damage or loss responsibility for the item is transferred from The Pirate to the esteemed customer once the item is picked up by the Shipping Company). If our esteemed customer finds that there has been any damages to the loot while in transit to them, then they must immediately contact The Pirate's Wench to begin an insurance claim process. All claims of lost or damaged goods will be fully inspected by the Security Lords of UPS, Fedex, USPS or any of the other multitude of galley slaves. So thee be forewarned that ye better not try to cheat The Pirate (or his esteemed transport galley slaves), or ye will be vexed and hexed with the dreaded Subic Bay Toolu Fever, and forfeit any claims. Esteemed retail and commercial Customer agrees that all claim's of damage and/or loss will be at the adjudication of UPS, Fedex or any other shipping company used to transport the loot and that they will abide by the rules and regulations regarding damage or lost claims as promulgated verbally or otherwise by each of the Shipping Companies. If esteemed customer refuses or fails to follow the instructions per the Shipping Company then they may forfeit any claims for damage or loss
The Pirate, his Wench, Galley Slaves, Dancing Girls, Servants, Mermaids and all other creatures within the domain of The Pirate's Lair wish for our esteemed customer to be happy with their received loot and service, however the Return Loot Authorization procedures cited above must be strictly followed or the Right of Parlay will be nullified and forfeit.
All loot purchased from The Pirate's Lair is either used or new old stock between 60 and 150 years old, yet comes with a 10 day guarantee of your satisfaction. Unless otherwise indicated, all loot offered at The Pirate's Lair does not come with a warranty of authenticity or origin. However we use trusted sources and any sales are covered by our 10 day return Guarantee except where stated.
Also note that The Pirate does not warrant merchantability or usability of any of the items or articles offered at The Pirate's Lair. The Pirate is not the manufacturer of any of the Dinnerware or Tableware including any and all eating utensils be it China, Silverware or Holloware. It is up to the esteemed customer's sole discretion to ensure that the antique and vintage tableware and dinnerware products offered by The Pirate will meet the esteemed customers needs and expectations regarding the manufacturing process used by the various manufacturers at the time of manufacture, which could be 40, 50 and even over 100 years ago! Just one word of note, caution, and disclaimer which supercedes all other written or verbal warranties or guarantees, specific or implied regarding use and merchantability. All of the products offered by The Pirate's Lair and DataCity, Inc. (including but not limited to the chests, trunks, hatch covers and trestles) are not "child proof" nor do they offer or incorporate any kind of safety mechanisms which may/may not be customarilly found on more modern furniture and appliances. The items being offered were not meant to be used by children as toy chests, clothes dressers, or as play equipment. The esteemed customer holds harmless the Pirate, his esteemed employees and/or companies against any product failure (other than breakage in shipping) and any consequential damage including loss of life or limb through the use of any products purchased at The Pirate's Lair or DataCity, Inc. Additionally, The Pirate identifies items that are 100+ years old to be "antique"; items that are less than 100 years old are deemed by The Pirate to be "vintage". All china and silverware unless specifically stated are to manufactured from the early 1900's through the Vietnam-era. Unless otherwise specified all Antique Chests and Trunks are between 100 to 150 years old. All WWII Liberty Ship Hatch Covers are between 59 to 64 years old.
The Pirate's Lair is a wholly owned division of DataCity, Inc. which is an established Virginia based corporation in business since 1989. All Invoices and Packing Slips will bear the name DataCity, Inc. as well as any payments (checks, credit card or otherwise!) will be made out to and will bear the name DataCity. DataCity can be found on the web at www.datacity.com , and can be contacted by calling 540-659-6209 or by mail at 78 Canterbury Drive, Stafford, Va 22554.
Esteemed customer agrees that the sole remedy of any dispute with The Pirate or his compatriots will not be in monetary excess of the actual goods sold to the esteemed customer by The Pirate, and that the sole monetary remedy to the esteemed client will not exceed the actual cost of the products sold. By virtue of purchasing products at The Pirates Lair esteemed customer is bound by the laws of the good state of Virginia and in the honorable county of Stafford as the only legal venue to file any legal claim or complaint with any court, and said esteemed client will never seek punitive damages or legal fees against The Pirate nor any of his compatriots from the purchase of any item. Any arbitration will be conducted through a mutually agreed upon professional arbitration firm.
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